Damn It All, I Want A Refund!
by evilpinklollipop
Summary: Maybe she should have stayed dead? The afterlife most likely would have been more peaceful than the new life she now dealt with. And to be honest, she really was ten seconds away from mauling that stupid smile off of that idiot ninja's face. OC with a interesting twist of perspective.


**A/N:** Whoa, So Hi guys, I'm rewriting this story and starting my other stories again! Oh my god, I didn't think I would ever come back... ButHello again! I reach a terrible rut in my life (Blah. It's horrible), so I thought writing my stories again might help with my stress. Hopefully.

So lets do this!

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing at all, nothing that has to do with Naruto! Nothing! It's really depressing actually!

**Summary:** Maybe she should have stayed dead? The afterlife most likely would have been more peaceful than the new life she now dealt with. And to be honest, she really was ten seconds away from mauling that stupid smile off of that ninja's face. OC with a interesting twist of perspective.

**Warning: **Character death, Original Character, Cursing, damage control, divergent from cannon, and... well, a bit of crack.

Chapter one. One foot in the grave.

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"Thank you for saving me! I really owe you one-ton!"

Hana stared blankly in front of her, at the small Shibu Inu puppy that sat happily across from where she woke up. She was sitting on her ass, surrounded by nothing but white, the void expanding on forever, and no matter where she looked there wasn't anyone else here other than her. She couldn't tell the difference between up or down, or the floor and the sky, but it was clear she was sitting on some sort of ground.

Her hair disheveled and a clothes covered in grime, and Hana frowned as she brought a trembling hand up to her school shirt and squeezed some water out.

Why was she soaking wet and covered in mud?

And... wait, did that dog just talk?

"Excuse me?" She squeaked, her throat suddenly very tight. The puppy dog's tail wagged quickly as it happily bounced its ears. Hana continued to stare as it tapped its feet in a little dance.

"Thank you thank you thank you! I really mean it too! It was really nice of you to save my life-ton!" The puppy with its bright red collar continued to speak like it never stopped, and Hana brought a shaky hand up to rub her eyes.

"It would have ruined my day if you didn't come-ton! That was really brave of you to come and get me like that even though you slipped back in-ton!"

... okay.

Don't panic. Panicking won't solve anything.

"You're a dog," Hana mumbled blankly. "and you're talking."

She rubbed her eyes harder before blinking out the spot, smoothing her muddy hair back and out of her face.

Nope, it was still there.

"Yes, I am-ton!" The little red Shibu Inu cocked its head to the side with a cute puppy smile, its tiny pink tongue poking out dumbly on the side and she started to breathe a little heavier.

Okay then, plan two.

"Not real!" Hana squeaked as she shut her eyes tight, hiding her face in her hands. She curled into a ball with her knees in her chest and she could hear the thing a few feet away from her gasp in shock.

"Hey-ton! That's not nice-ton!" The puppy huffed loudly, making annoyed noises. "I'm just trying to keep up my part of the deal-ton! You save me, I save you!"

No no no no. No talking dogs, no thank you.

"Not understanding! No comprehendo! No." Hana hissed and stuck her fingers in her ears, squeezing her eyes tighter, "There is no talking dog. I'm not listening! Dog's don't speak and they most definitely don't exist in a white abyss! No no no." It wasn't like this was going to work either, but Hana continued to keep her eyes closed as the puppy huffed.

"Right-ton," The puppy growled cutely in annoyance as it flicked an ear. "I forgot that humans don't like it when we show up like this-ton!" It scratched it neck with its back leg as Hana whimpered, "Oops!"

"Why?" She hissed in panicked exasperation. "Why why why why why?! Why are you still talking!" She flung herself to her feet and pointed harshly at the dog that just wouldn't get the hint about how impossible it was, and disappear. "Why can't you bark like a normal puppy? What are you!?"

The puppy stared back before cocking its head to the side.

"I'm a god." The puppy's said it as if it was the most obvious thing in the world and Hana twitched, a shiver going up her spine from her drenched clothes.

"I beg your pardon?" She squeaked, her voice and confidence vanishing in a sickening heavy drop as she became suddenly _extremely_ nauseous. Another shiver, stronger than the last rocked her legs as her clothes suddenly became heavier, colder.

"A god. I'm a god. I'm a powerful absolute being, or a kami, or a Divine spirit. A higher dimensional, parallel creature. A celestial creation. A-"

"I know what a god is!" She hissed, cutting him off as she continued to point, "You're a dog! A puppy!"

"Yep!" the puppy barked happily as she wailed, "And I'm also a god! Hello-ton!"

Oh yes, like that made perfect sense.

"A a- a- a-a," Hana forgot how to breathe as her voice got stuck in her throat in a silent scream. A cold shiver went up her back and she wrapped her shaking arms around herself. Okay. Okay.

This wasn't so bad, she had seen worse.

No she hadn't, that was a damn lie.

Just breathe.

"You're a..." Hana took a deep breath through her nose and let it out slowly, bringing a shaky hand up to rub her forehead nervously. "a g- god. A God. Right, right, okay." She nervously looked down at the small puppy.

"Wh-what do you want then?"

"To repay my debt!" The puppy jumped in place and barked a few times in joy. "You saved me from drowning in that lake after I got thrown in! Too bad it ended with your lose because now I have to compensate you-ton!" It wagged its ears cutely and Hana had the sudden need to rub them. But at the same time she wanted to scream and throw everything she could find at it.

Like a house. Or a bomb. Or a house full of bombs.

"I never owed my life to a common mortal human before!"

"Sorry, I'm not following." She scrunched up her face as she tried to make sense of what the hell was going on. What, why was her head so fuzzy?

"You saved me from drowning in the lake-ton. Remember?"

Did she now? Well she did, kind of.

She saved this puppy god thing from a lake? She rubbed the side of her head with a frown, the memories of earlier today clouded and unclear.

What did happen to get to this point?

She went to school today hadn't she, and then she was heading home on her bike and then...It started raining. Yea, it started raining and then absolutely storming. The lake had started to overflow from the runoff near her school and when she started to pass over the bridge, she had heard frantic crying. She had seen the little patch of red bobbing dangerously out in the middle of the dark...

Oh.

She jumped in without thinking first.

Because she was an animal lover and it was a puppy. She had cried when her first goldfish died, she would sneak her dogs table food during dinner even though they were fat and spoiled, and she once walked into the local shelter when she was younger and came back with four new pets and a pissed off mother. So it had been a puppy drowning right in front of her and she dived right in. She had got to the scared little thing, grabbed onto it, started to swim back and...

and... and...

What happened after that?

Her face was scrunched up in concentration and she looked back and forth between the puppy and the void. "I was swimming and then I... did I end up here?" She scowled, trying to wipe her hands free of mud as she bit her lower lip.

The puppy sighed before looking sheepishly at her, bringing a paw up to rub its muzzle. "Now don't freak out-ton. But you kind of..." The puppy looked to the side nervously, "You saved me, swam us both to the edge, fell back in because of the mud and because of the current and a loose tree branch.."

There was a moment of silence as they stared at each other. Hana bit her lip nervously and ran a hand through her soaking wet hair trying to get some tangles out.

"You died." Hana froze and stared, her face blank with shock and the puppy sighed softly before nodding. "Yeah. Sorry."

Hana blinked, pointing at herself slowly.

"I died?"

The puppy nodded again.

"I'm dead right now?"

Another, quicker nod.

Cold silence feel over the two of them and Hana looked out into the white abyss as her eyes glazed over. She felt hollow, her mind numbing and prickling over as her body started to shake.

"I- I-..."

What could she say? It's not everyday a talking dog, or a god, tells someone that they're dead. Who dies in a lake saving a dog anyways?

God, what a corny way to die.

In retrospect though?

Hana looked down at her soaking wet form covered in mud and random twigs, missing her left shoe and a deep cut of her pale leg that she didn't notice before. If she really thought about it, wasn't she handling this pretty well? She didn't have the sudden urge to throw herself to the ground and scream in denial like people did on television, or fall into madness and scream gibberish, and her eyes were surprisingly dry. So yea, she was good.

Maybe this was what people called shock?

Hana looked around the white nothingness surrounding them, rubbing her hands together to try to bring warmth back into her ice cold fingers.

What was going to happen now?

"But don't worry!" The puppy chirped, bringing her out of her thoughts. "It's not permanent!"

Now that got her attention.

"It's not?" She said hopefully, leaning forward. The puppy smiled again and wagged its tail again, nodding quickly.

"Yep yep, you got it! I can bring you back to life!" The puppy hesitated for a moment before sticking out its tongue, "Well, I mean... with a _catch_ of course-ton."

Hana's eye twitched and she resisted the urge to strangle and kiss the damn thing. Isn't there always? Hana groaned before shaking her head, ridding her ears of water. This wasn't the time to be stubborn or a picky chooser, If she really was dead, which it really looked like it to her, then she needed to do whatever she needed to. It wasn't everyday a person dies and is giving the chance to come back.

"What do I have to do then?" She nodded hesitantly, nibbling on a nail as the puppy yipped.

"Well..." The puppy stressed. "I can't put you back where I found you-ton, seeing how you don't have a body to go back to, um. Well I mean you do, but I don't think you would like being a zombie? Would you?"

The puppy scrunched up its face in concentration as she sent the thing a rather strangled look, before nodding. No, being a zombie was not okay, thank you.

"But! But, I can put you somewhere new, a new world with a new body! It will be a fresh start and you won't be dead-ton!"

Not dead sounded nice. Hana nodded slowly as she twirled the inside her head.

"Not being dead would be really great." She murmured as bit her lip, and the puppy did a little dance again, "But what does a new 'start' and 'body' mean? Am I being reincarnated?" She trailed off as she frowned, looking around in worry. Not that being alive again wouldn't be the most amazing thing ever, but would it really count as surviving death if the person she was afterwards wasn't 'her' anymore? Or was she just being picky?

Should she just take whatever chance she got and shut the hell up? Probably.

"No, not reincarnation. You'll still be the same soul with the same memories-ton. Everything you've experienced in your mortal life shall stay the same as before, your soul unblemished." It puffed out it's chest with pride and barked, "Just a new world with a new body! I might not be the strongest form, but I still have _divine_ rights-ton!"

She nodded at his explanation. She had no idea what he was going on about, but it sounded like a good thing.

Wait?

Was this God a girl puppy god or a boy puppy god? Did gods even have genders like Zeus or the angels of the Bible? Did that matter? Why was she even thinking about such questions right now? She really needed to stay on track.

Wow, shock sucked.

"Right. When do we get started? Do I have to do a little dance or something?"

"Nope-ton!" The smile that split the puppy's face was so bright, had this been any other situation Hana would have squealed at how adorable it was. "You just have to pick between three phrases to decide your fate-ton!"

She rubbed her frozen hands together to get feeling, that didn't sound too hard. It was just the most important choice she was ever going to make in her entire life. Or was it her after life now?

No pressure.

"Right." She steeled her nerves and took a deep breath. She could do this, she had to do this. "Wh-what are they?"

The puppy smiled, bringing a paw up to its nose."Okay-ton! Do you choose the Wolf that's wounded and caged by loss and loyalty? The Fox that mourns its tricks and rage? Or the Crow that refuses to fly to protect?"

Hana stared at dog as its tail wagging even faster and her eye twitched dangerously.

"Mind explaining what they do?" She tried to keep her voice even in respect, but the bright smile on the puppy's face didn't waver, if anything it became brighter and she had to physically restrain herself from cursing.

"Nope!"

The puppy giggled, which was weird. She had never seen a dog do that.

Cool, no pressure at all. She shifted nervously in place, deciding to take her time. She had already made rash decisions today, and this wasn't the time to jump head first into things. She might not know what the hell those phrases meant, but just picking one and winging it was why she was dead with a talking dog in the first place.

Right, take your time.

The Wolf that's wounded and caged by loss and loyalty? Well, she did owe the canines big time for bringing her back to life, so really she should pick that. But, it was kind of its fault she was dead in the first place. There was that. And she was just not having much luck when it came to dogs.

Maybe she was a cat in her past life?

Then there was the Fox that is in mourning? Usually when she thought of a fox she thought of pranks and running around in fun. Like the pranks with marrying men for fun, or stealing and changing things to make humans go crazy. She did always love how cute their tails were, and they were part of her favorite Japanese culture, which she had been a fan of since she was a child. She always admired how cunning and quick they were in reality and in fairy tales. But, for a fox to be mourning and in rage? That didn't sound like a good thing.

Then there was the... the Crow that refuses to fly to protect? How romantic sounding. Or completely _depressing_. It sounded like a dark knight, or a wounded veteran after a war who was broken but still strong, someone who would destroy themselves to save others. A pacifist she presumed. That one just sounded stranger than the others, but probably the safest. However, crows were seen as nuisance in most cultures, even going as far as being seen as messengers of death.

In her personal opinion none of them sounded like perfect choices, all having their fair share of startling warning. A dog that is trapped and scared would alway bite. A fox in rage would probably would do many terrible things, and a bird that was injured and could no longer fly would surely die.

Yea, talk about warning bells going off- She had a siren blaring and a neon sign of 'Do Not Pick' flashing in her head over all three.

Shit.

The puppy sat quietly wagging its tail back and forth as she took her time, the minutes passing in silence as she thought over each. It really was between the wolf and the crow.

"Yh, I guess..." She bit her lip as her mind looped again and again.

Wolf or fox, wolf or fox? A caged frantic beast, or a mad rabid smaller beast?

Well, she really did owe him, or it, didn't she? Oh come on, just do it. She was already dead, she just had to say one right?

"The Wolf that is wounded and caged by loss and loyalty, that's the one I choose."

The puppy smiled in a way that should be impossible, its face morphing slightly to look more humanoid. Its eyes grew rounder and larger, its face flatter as a humanoid jaw line became more pronounced. The voice that came from it was different, louder and less human.

"**Good choice Mamiya Hana**."

It brought up a paw that shifted into a human hand before tapping the charm on its collar.

There was a sharp pain behind her eyes that spread to the back of her neck, and before she could cry out in pain darkness descended.

There was the feeling of free falling and searing heat, and then Hana knew nothing else.

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A/N: Well, there you go! Chapter one is refinished and posted! Like I said before, I don't have a Beta so if there are problems I will fix them immediately when I noticed them. Other than that I hope you enjoyed the first re-glance!

Please tell me what you think by clicking that really nice "Review" button at the bottom of the screen! See you next chapter!


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